I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
