he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
