Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
