her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
