just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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