I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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