OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ladies don't puke and tell
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
