so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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