Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
