I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
