It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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