Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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