Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
