im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
