also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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