I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
