you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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