yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
