how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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