I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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