Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
