you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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