Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize