I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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