I molested 6 butterflies tonight
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
