I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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