Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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