Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
