who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
