The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
