omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
