dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
