I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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