He had one of those small greek statue penises
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
don't judge my taste in strippers
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
