five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
