My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
