I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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