Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
