you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
