I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
