consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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