I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
