You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
