porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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