I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
