he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
