I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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