is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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