I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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