In the future we'll all be gay
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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