3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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