i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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