Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
