well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
