I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
