Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no, he came in my armpit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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