clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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