So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
