That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
