I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
