okay pat passed out under dana's car
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
