forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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