my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
