omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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